A Mind Reader’s Guide to Getting in Sync With Your Partner

We’ve all been there. You think of your significant other, and a moment later, they call. You finish each other’s sentences. Without a word, you know when you’ve triggered them and exactly what to say to make it right. It’s one of the most profound things about being in a relationship — that seemingly supernatural connection.

As humans, we crave understanding and empathy, and this is reflected in our biology. Studies and brain scans show that we’re in sync at a neurobiological level with those we’re closest to. Is there perhaps also a more spiritual, energetic reason behind it? Many would argue yes.

Not everyone feels like a soulmate right off the bat, though. Maybe you want that level of deep connection, but you haven’t quite found it yet. Or, perhaps you’d like to harness what spark you do have and amplify it even more.

If so, it’s only a matter of becoming aware of when you do sync up, which means slowing down and paying attention. What you focus on grows, so when your focus is on becoming in sync with your partner’s thoughts and feelings, you’re on your way to a deeper bond already. 

In this article, you’ll learn about emotional intelligence in relationships, empathic concern, how your personal thoughts impact relationships, and what to do if you’re feeling disconnected. Ready to get closer to your partner? Let’s get into it.

The Science Behind Synchronous Connection

It’s important first to establish just how much we do bond with our lovers in unspoken, invisible, yet scientifically proven ways.

Research Around Connection

Scientists have shown that we really do sync up with our partners on a neurobiological level, and this goes not just for partners but for anyone you’re close with. Researchers at Princeton University showed that brain scans in those who are close mirror each other when reacting to the same stimuli. 

For example, they reviewed the scans of the speaker and listener of a story about a bad prom date. Despite the fact that one person was the speaker and the other was the listener (which involves two different parts of the brain) both had surprisingly similar brain scans. They also found that people who were closer (as gauged by a post-scan interview) had more identical scans than those who were not.

In another study at Dartmouth University, as reported by Vice, researchers showed students video clips including documentaries, animal footage, music videos, and more and measured neural responses via MRIs. They found that the closer the students were, the more similar their neurological responses were.

Are We Attracted to Those Who Are Similar to Us?

Research showing how our brains sync up is well-documented, but it’s not clear whether scans are similar because people sync up as they become close or because they had similar thought patterns to begin with. That’s because of what sociologists call homophily, a phenomenon in which familiarity breeds connection. 

This principle has shown that people gravitate toward people similar to them in all sorts of ways — physically (such as height and athleticism), ethnically, politically, and in terms of religion, education, and other demographic markers. This goes for everyone, not just romantic partners, so friends, professional contacts, and acquaintances are included as well.

If we naturally gravitate toward those who are similar to us, is that why we find it so easy to read another person’s thoughts or emotions? Do we just think alike? 

If so, then why do we fall into and out of sync with those we’re close to? Why do opposites sometimes attract? There’s no definitive answer. But whatever it is that drives our connection, one thing is clear — connection feels good.

Signs That You’re in Sync with Your Partner’s Thoughts and Feelings

Whether you want to strengthen a bond you’re already aware of or learn how to develop one, it’s important to keep an eye out first for the ways you naturally bond with your partner. You two may have already developed some habits that are common, reports Insider, with deep connections. Let’s take a look at a few of them.

You Have Your Own Language

Does your partner call you meowcakes? Do you have a code word for when you find someone ridiculous? These are all great signs, according to sociologists. Researchers at Ohio State University found that couples who had a secret language or code tended to be happier in their relationships. A study at The University of Texas found that secret communication deepens bonds between people. So, when you call each other pet names, you’re not just being annoying. You’re cultivating a soul mate relationship.

You Start to Look Alike

So you’re starting to look like twinsies. Is that cute or creepy? No one can definitively say, but science says it’s common to start taking on the appearance of your partner over time. As Insider reports, “[Couples] use the same muscles so often that, over time, they start to mirror each other.” This is likely because people who are intimate with one another tend to adopt similar habits, including postures, eye movements, and mannerisms.

You Have an Unspoken Connection

You know when your partner is feeling off. You pick up the phone to text them, and they’re mid-text to you. It’s very common to have what appear to be psychic experiences with someone you have a deep bond with. Sometimes it’s explainable: Maybe you pick up on facial expressions or mannerisms that indicate what’s up with your partner. Other times, it feels mystical… How could you possibly know your partner was going to call you before they did? Being attuned to your partner to the point that feels telepathic is a sure sign you’re deeply connected.

How to Sync Up with Your Partner

Now that you know what it means to be in sync and why it happens, you may be wondering how you can sync up more. As you’ve seen, being psychically connected (whether it’s due to science or spirituality) is a very real and natural thing, so attuning to your partner can feel very natural.

It all starts with developing emotional intelligence and empathy. The following practices will help you do just that.

Cultivate Presence

Presence is at a premium in our modern world. The first step to becoming synchronic with your partner is simply to pay attention. You can’t be in tune with your partner if you’re distracted. If you have a very stressful, busy, or disorganized life, you’re going to find it hard to connect. That’s why it’s common for busy couples to drift away from each other or lose touch with what’s going on for the other person. That’s never good for a relationship.

Make an effort to give your partner your full attention when they’re talking to you. Put your phone away when you have dinner together. Try scheduling one night a week where you just spend time in each other’s company without any screens. Eat by candlelight, play board games, have a dance party, read to each other, go for walks, or star gaze together. Just one evening a week of this can do wonders for your relationship.

Go on Adventures Together

What better way to cultivate presence than to put yourself somewhere new together? Whether it’s a trip, a kayaking excursion, or a weekend camping, going on adventures together brings you right into the moment, helping you to focus on each other. 

Plus, enjoying the ups and downs of a backpacking trip or the rush of a mountain climb is a wonderful way to bond. Make sure to notice when and how you’re in sync. Maybe your partner instinctively knows to turn and help you up the last part of that trail segment. Or, perhaps the two of you are an unstoppable team when exploring a new country together.

Work on Your Communication

Connection comes from understanding. If you or your partner are in the habit of stuffing your emotions down or masking issues with distractions, it’s going to be hard to get close. Likewise, if you tend to tune out or be more invested in your own thoughts and planned responses than you are in listening, you will experience barriers in connection. 

That said, good communication and listening skills are hard to come by. It takes practice. You can read up on communication skills, learn about active listening, or try meditation if you tend to have an overactive mind.

Practice Eye-Gazing

They say the eyes are the window to the soul. Maybe that’s why ancient practices such as those found in Tantra include eye gazing as a technique to deeply bond with one another. This technique involves gazing into another’s eyes for an extended period of time. 

You’ll sit down with your partner and simply look into each other’s eyes. It’s best to go into the practice with a calm nervous system, so try meditation, yoga, breath work, or listening to music beforehand. Light candles and get cozy in blankets. This will relax you so you can drop into the practice, which can be uncomfortable and awkward at times. But don’t worry — if you get uncomfortable and burst out laughing, you’re still bonding with your partner.

Put Your Hand on Your Heart Before You Speak During a Deep Conversation

Our minds are often big barriers to our connection. With the analytical mind going wild, we may get stuck in logic when we should be connecting with our hearts. We may get wrapped up in proving ourselves right or making another wrong in an argument. Or, we may be so wrapped up in logic that we don’t perceive the subtext or deeper meaning of what the other person is saying. 

Plus, communicating purely from our logical minds can leave us feeling ungrounded and disconnected from ourselves. Putting your hand on your heart is a subtle reminder to speak from your center of empathy and wisdom. Not only does it help you connect with yourself more deeply, it also helps attune you to the other person’s feelings and frequency.

You Can Connect Deeply with Your Partner

There’s nothing quite like having a profound connection with a loved one. We all want to feel seen, heard, and understood at a deep level, and being synchronic with another fulfills that need. Sometimes we may have an instant connection with someone new. Other times, we grow a connection over time or need to consciously cultivate it.

Whether you have a soul mate connection or not, you can always benefit from deeper empathy and emotional awareness. Through paying attention and trying out some simple bonding exercises, you can elevate your connection to one that nourishes your need for understanding.